A sweet friend sent me this song and I was too busy to watch when I had received the link, but finally had a moment on my way home from Jovi’s dance class yesterday. Let me just say I am so glad that I waited until the drive home, and not on the drive to. I was an emotional mess. This song is absolutely beautiful and perfectly describes how I am feeling, seriously brings me to tears every time I hit play.
As I was listening to this song I started to cry and Jovi, in the most sincerely sweet and concerned voice said “Mommy are you starting to cry again?” That moment made me so very proud of her and her heart. I have not really ever been an emotional person (as far as letting people see that I am hurting), but this journey with Jaxlee has completely changed that. I told Jovi that I was crying, but it was ok that I was crying.
I think that it has been a lesson to me to allow my girls to see that it is ok to let people see your hurt, to let people know when you are struggling. I don’t want them to grow up thinking it’s not ok to have emotional moments when they are necessary. I don’t want them to think that they need to only work within themselves to figure things out. Talking about and expressing my feelings has been an outlet, and an opportunity to show that you can still love and serve an amazing God while going through an extremely difficult situation. I know that the Lord is growing me and my family through all of this, but I can not deny that is has been an incredible struggle.
Through all of this I have questioned, begged, pleaded, and praised God. I have a lot to be grateful for, but that does not make things any easier, unfortunately. God allows real hurt to His children, the goal is for us to trust and rely on Him EVEN in the toughest of trials. I will continue to do the best I can for my own faith, and for the faith and potential faith of those who are around me and following along in this journey with us.
Please if you have a chance listen to this song, it is nothing short of amazing.
For those inclined to help with the medical and other expenses related to Jaxlee and this pregnancy: https://www.gofundme.com/babysouza